Where will all of my love come from?

Ever since we talked about having more children the very first thought I had was “How will I ever love someone as much as I love Joseph”. Truthfully, I never thought I could. It is part of the reason why I never wanted to talk about more children (aside from his difficult birth that we will get into another day when I have more strength). I was scared, so scared. I knew I could continue to be the best mom possible, but was I ready? As hard as being a mom is, I always knew I was meant to be a mama.

When I first had Joseph, I felt my life was complete. I was so happy with him, my heart was so full and I never thought I could share my love. I even struggled with feeling like what if i couldn’t love my husband the same way I once did because all my love, my whole heart went to Joseph. Where would all that love even come from? The love came though, so so much love for the two most important people in my life. I now know the love was always there, it just looked different when there was only one heart to share it with.

Fast forward to the day after Christmas 2020 and I was honestly shocked when my pregnancy test showed up as positive. happy but shocked. Not because it wasn’t something we wanted but because like everything else, when something actually come to fruition, it hits differently. It is no longer just a dream or a thought, it is now tangible and real. For the next 13 weeks I was so sick that I couldn’t even think straight. Between spending my time wanting to throw up, nap, try not to get up too fast as to not black out and chasing my toddler I could barely focus on the fact that my body was busy growing another baby.

Out of the blue (but not really HELLOOO second trimester), I slowly started to feel less sick. The dizziness subsided to a point where it became much more manageable. My energy came back ten fold. My catch 22, because not only did I now have the energy to chase my son but so much energy that I could no longer sleep at night, no bueno. Beggars can’t be choosers over here so I will take what I can get and be happy either way!

While all of these changes started to occur within the last 2 weeks while I entered the second trimester, I finally started to take notice f my changing body, my growing stomach, Joseph becoming more aware. I literally felt like the Grinch on Christmas when the Whos started singing, I could feel my heart expanding with love for my new baby. Sometimes it felt like it had expanded so much that it was really a panic attack was coming on (thanks anxiety). Instead though, the anxiety never came, it was just pure love for my newest babe. Pure excitement for this new chapter. Extreme gratefulness to be growing another baby, to be growing our family.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure I will have days where I am overwhelmed. I know the good days, as always, will outweigh the tough one . My always growing love for Joseph proves to me how incredible being a mom is, the love that fills us is all encompassing and truly beautiful. I was meant to be a mama and love my babies. Although it seems scary to let that love grow, at times almost impossible. It will always be worth it.

Let your love grow,

Jules

#motherhoodunited #motherhood #anxiety #sahm #love #postpartum #momoftwo