What am I even doing here?

That is usually where I fall off the wagon. When I sit back, I start to doubt myself “What am I doing here? I don’t belong.”

But I do belong right where I am.

When my son was born I started a page called “Mama life with Jules” and I still laugh because I had NO IDEA what life would be like but I knew I wanted to document it along the way. Two people I knew found the account so I deleted it, I was so embarrassed.

Looking back, I would love to know where I would be today. The friends I would have made, the experiences I could have shared. Now a lot of that is barely a memory. I wish I had it to look back on, to see my growth.

The truth is, I went through a lot as a new mom and still do today. Things I wish I had a outlet for, things I wish I could have shared to connect with others so that I wouldn’t feel so alone. So that other moms would know they too weren’t alone. People always say, why even talk about the bad? Being a mom is such a blessing. TRUST ME, I know and I don’t for one second think differently. I do also understand it isn’t always picture perfect o instagram worthy. It can be messy, scary, uncertain.

I have found that what really brings people together is connecting. Connecting on topics they not only relate to but go through. When you find out you aren’t the only mom who got upset and cried over spilled milk, it’s comforting. To hear from others that the emotions and feelings you have aren’t crazy or bad but instead so so common, it’s incredibly comforting. I have never connected more or felt so understood then when I have connected with other moms going through it. Whether it be anxiety, depression, a bad day, anger, struggling with the loneliness of a SAHM (especially during COVID) it is such a remarkable feeling to know tours relate and that they are there for you.

That is why I am doing this. I love being a mom, through and through, it is what I was always meant to do. My son and my second on the way are my WORLD. I would never trade anything in the world for my life. I am so blessed and I express gratitude every day. While acknowledging how blessed I am, I also owe it to myself to let myself off the hook for not always have the best days, for struggling.

I want to be transparent. To create a place where moms, new and old, happy or struggling, can come together and feel no judgement, just safety. To put my love of being a mom, writing and sharing together and create something I am proud of.

I belong right where I am.

Welcome, I hope you choose to stay a while.

Jules

#depression #writer #motherhood #mentalhealth #momblog #anxiety #postpartum #boymom #momoftwo #pregnancy