Of All The Things That Are Said
- julmmarshall
- Dec 9, 2021
- 4 min read
I’m sure when the word started to get around that you were expecting or when you became a new mom you received lots of advice. Both unsolicited and some that you were looking to hear as well.
“Oh you think you’re tired now? Get sleep while you can, you’ll be tired for the next 18 years!”
“Sleep when the baby sleeps”
“You will never know a love like the one you have for your child when you meet them for the first time.”
“Don’t sweat the small stuff. No one really knows what they’re doing anyways.”
“The years will fly by quicker than you’ve ever expected.”
“There is no handbook. You will figure everything out as you go. You will know what works for you and your baby and what doesn’t.”
The list goes on and on. Literally. I don’t have to keep telling you all the things you heard time and time again. Whether I asked for the advice or not, *most* of it was true. I loved all the happy advice (obviously). All the advice to give myself time and grace to figure the things out that would work best for us. To trust myself because I would know my baby best (You will 100% know your baby the best, btw). I didn’t enjoy hearing how tired I was going to be. Not because I wasn’t aware but really because that didn’t matter to me. I didn’t have kids to get more sleep, ya know?
What I never heard though was that the tears would fall. Hard and unexpectedly. With little to no warning they would flow down your cheeks in a silence that was deafening. That the love my heart was exploding with was keeping at bay a sadness I couldn’t quite put my finger on. One that I so wish I could better understand to just make it go away. So I could enjoy my newest love without feeling complete sadness at the same time.
The new mom high is one that you wish you could ride out forever. There is no better feeling, no stronger joy then right after your baby is born.
There is also no greater sadness. When the postpartum depression and anxiety kicks in. Something far stronger than the baby blues that lasts so long you often wonder when, if ever, it will end. No one tells you about that. I wonder if it is because there’s so much guilt associated with it. I’ve never met a mom, new or old, that didn’t feel guilt over these emotions that they didn’t understand. Every single one wished they knew. Wished that it was talked about because when it’s not you feel so alone when you’re really not at all.
I think in the society we live in it’s so taboo to talk about things being hard. Everyone posts their perfect life, the best images, their accomplishments. While the photos are nice to look at and I do always love seeing people succeed, it’s leaves so many moms wondering what they’re doing wrong. When so many people seem to have it all together, how did I get stuck here picking up all of the pieces?
I believe there is so much left unsaid that would bring so many moms together. When you know you aren’t alone that’s a powerful feeling. The times I have spent being open, raw and honest are the times I have felt the most free. Almost like when I am honest a weight is lifted. By being open not only am I helping myself but others. When you suffer in silence, the anxiety and the depression only gets louder. What you have to say could quite literally save someone else.
So be open. Ask for help. Ask questions. Check on your friends. If you need to sit in your feelings, then sit in them. If you don’t feel right, speak up. It’s normal to be filled with so much love for your baby but still feel sadness. It does’t make you the world’s worst mom like your depression so often tells you. Your anxiety can stand in the way of your decision making but it’s okay to ask for help. Actually, please do.
It actually makes you strong, not only for noticing but for speaking on it as well. There are so many changes your body is going through, your mind and with your daily routine. It’s normal for things to feel out of whack. When that feeling lingers, when you can’t get out of the funk- speak up. You shouldn’t have to live with the constant anxiety, the sadness and the fear.
Moms are most afraid of the opinions of other moms. Fear of being judged. The fear of being seen as ungrateful or unhappy. Motherhood isn’t easy but it is a sisterhood that should never be feared. A group of women that share a unique experience and love like no other. It comes with highs and it also comes with lows. It should also come with acceptance. Accepting of change. Accepting of honesty.
If I wish I knew one thing it would be that motherhood is the most beautiful AND the scariest time of your life. BUT, I am not alone. I never was and I never will be. YOU aren’t alone either.
Moms are all superheroes. As long as you keep fighting the good fight, remember all your children will only ever see you as is the superhero the you are. Superhero’s speak up, they never give up.
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